Jan 26 2010
Greg Oden’s Penis: The PR Move of the Decade

Greg Oden, after his last injury, has been called by many (pretty much all of whom are clueless) a bust. It’s easy to understand their logic, with all of his missed games due to freak injuries. This has to weigh on the psyche of someone such as Greg. Every time his name comes up he’s a punchline, every time, his name synonymous with knees exploding and just general unwellness. There’s Bill Simmons throwing out these petty observations that he “walks old.” That has to get (pardon the choice of words) old.
Now, here comes the question: how does a player, basically known only for terrible injuries and an easygoing attitude change the public perception of himself around? He could stay on the floor for an entire season, blocking shots and scaring the living hell out of opposing teams. That’s definitely option A, and something Oden made a valiant stab at this season. He was among the most dominant centers in the NBA. What more can you ask for? But, until this morning, when I looked back on this season, it wasn’t his rebounding rate that stood out. No, it was his knee.
Now another body part is standing out. Over the course of these last 24 hours, the perception of Oden has changed. Instead of pot shots about his knee left and right, it’s just jokes such as “So that’s Great Oden’s Raven” or “The pic should really be clearer, what with his use of the tripod.” (Thanks, Deadspin!) Out of any joke about a man, the joke about how ridiculously large his genitalia is has to be the least spiteful and cutting one there is. You can’t imagine Greg Oden up in arms right now, complaining that now everyone makes fun of his downstairs. They were already making fun of him, except now every joke is inflating his persona.
When scandals like this have come out about public figures, they tend to come out on top of it. It put Paris Hilton on the map, no matter what you think of her. Or how about Vanessa Hudgens? Or Rihanna? Or fellow athletes like Santonio Holmes? The naked online picture scandal has never derailed a career, and has never become more than a hilarious footnote.
Which leads to the thought: was it intentional? Oden’s in the news again, his knees are no longer the big story about him, and the main story about him is, basically, positive. That just seems a little too perfect, right? He’s even the victim of some terrible crime. There’s something more to this story - this “leak” could have been the work of Oden himself. Maybe there was a moment Oden had getting out of the shower during his rehabilitation, just in an existential funk, wondering aloud, “How can I find something that will overshadow my knee?” Maybe then, Oden looked down, and saw his answer, clear as day: his johnson, literally overshadowing his knee.
Well done, Mr. Oden. Well done.
Post-script: This is very much a joke. There is no way Greg would ever go out of his way to make this happen.





