Jul 19 2008
A Case For Squatch
This beast has been stalking the woods of the Pacific Northwest for 15 years, loved by all for his feats of flipping, dunking, and, of all things, roller-blading.
Squatch ascended the ranks of mascotry quickly, becoming one of the best in the NBA, if not in all professional sports. Now he’s unemployed. How can it be that Stuff the Magic Dragon in Orlando has a job, but a legendary Northwest mythical creature will not because some idiot in Oklahoma City says so? Which leads me to the question: Is Portland a good fit for Squatch?
Proximity: Portland is the closest franchise to the former Seattle Supersonics, and makes them a fitting target. Obviously, there have been sightings of Sasquatch from southern Oregon all the way up to BC, so, in terms of a geographical fit, Squatch fits the Blazers as well as any team in the league.
Familiarity: The shaggy hair of Squatch is quite familiar to Blazer fans - especially the ones who remember Bill Walton’s armpits in the 1970s.
Blaze: A major argument against him could be the presence of our current mascot, Blaze. If we have one already, why would we want two? The real question: why wouldn’t we? Let’s consider what we gain from having two mascots: double the t-shirts, double the fans with away jerseys being covered with silly string in the stands, double dunks, double pizza deliveries, double fun!
Squatch himself: Moreover, what would you prefer? Would you prefer this great idea go to waste, waiting until Seattle gets another franchise in some unknown time period? Or would you prefer a mascot, which is just a person in a suit, much like any one of you in the working world, get to keep their job and keep doing what they want to do? Why is it that guys like Raef LaFrentz and Darius Miles are still getting money from the Blazers but Squatch isn’t?
There’s injustice here, and it must be remedied.
