Trail Post - A Portland Trail Blazers Blog

I hate Travis. He does so many things that make so little sense to anyone who’s ever played basketball in their life. (Granted, those few years of rec ball in high school rarely qualify.) A dude that can go to the hoop at will, as he’s shown in a few games, going almost exclusively for mid-range jump shots off of pull-ups? It’s insane. This thing is a damn recipe for disaster in the long run, because once Travis loses his jumping ability, he’s just going to be that guy whose shot everyone can block, and no one wants that. Another thing is that stupid foot on the line three pointer. How can someone be in the NBA for so long and have zero awareness of where they are. It’s like going to college four years and realizing during your senior year that is more than one library on campus (but I suppose Travis would know nothing about that). Here’s why we can tolerate him: he makes shots, he’s tall, he’s clutch, and he’s got Potential. Personally, I think he’s reached his Potential, and this is all the man has to show us - a good, not great, slashing small forward that is perfectly suited for the bench. If he starts moping, I have no issue with sending him out of here on the first plane out of PDX.

LaMarcus, on the other hand, is a golden god. It’s so strange hearing him being compared as the “sane version of Rasheed Wallace” because it ties the person that LaMarcus is to the fortunes of the Blazers’ most notable player before the Oden-Roy era. Considering Rasheed was one of the league’s most underrated players when in Portland and proceeded to become one of the most overrated afterwards, it’s almost as if these Sheed comparisons don’t do LaMarcus justice, as if he’s being compared to Vince Carter. Anyway, LaMarcus will have a good season, and the Blazers need him. He has to make shots because the scoring burden will be on him. With that, he also has to play defense and not be afraid to run the floor (although that resides more with Nate than anyone). He’s put in the work, and now it’s time for him to make a proper All-Star run.

Halloween Costumes:

Travis Outlaw

The Blazers’ freakiest skinny dude deserves the world’s freakiest skinny dude - Ashes to Ashes era David Bowie.

LaMarcus Aldridge

Judge Dridge just makes way too much sense, doesn’t it. I’m sure it’ll be the 13th year in a row that he’s done this. Yet he still won’t cop to having an obsession with Stallone.

Damn it. Here’s the reason why you don’t do a preview that extends to the second game of the regular season. Something horrible and disgusting can happen in game 1. My original plan during this preview was to save Greg until the very last post, on Halloween day itself, and fill his preview with superlatives, hyperboles, and tall tales like how the folds in his forehead create such pressure, he occasionally sticks tiny pieces of coal in there before a game in order to give the resulting diamonds to impoverished children from Laos when the game’s over. No more. Instead I’ll just give you his damn costume.

Halloween Costume

It’s Sam Goddamn Bowie. I don’t think Kevin Durant will turn into Michael Jordan, but all these injuries to Oden are seriously making this one comparison more than obvious. It’s like waiting all year for Christmas and your parents say they have a great present for you, and then when you see the tree, the present is huge, almost the size of the tree itself! You have to grab a chair because the box is so tall, there could be all kinds of Legos or ponies in there. When you open it, it’s filled with elephant shit. You turn around and it your parents start laughing at you and say, “You like elephants, right?” Thanks for the box of elephant shit, Blazers.

One guy that’s always injured and will always receive a big pass on the other hand is perennial fan favorite and Uncoordinated White Guy™ Joel Przybilla. He hasn’t had a season yet with the Blazers that he’s gone uninjured, but then again, the hopes of our franchise were almost never on his back. He’s always been the backup until someone better arrived, and now we’re still stuck with him. He’s great at what he does: he can dunk, he can set the best screens in the NBA, he’s generally willing to run down the floor, and he gives financial advice to the younger Blazers. I imagine Joel’s year will be solid and he will step up admirably in Oden’s absence, just like last year.

Channing Frye definitely just got served a jackpot of playing time. He was going to be stuck in the Diogu zone (who will not receive a preview), doomed to languish behind LMA, Oden, Outlaw, and Przybilla, but now he’s back in the rotation. He’s apparently added a 3 point shot, and I’m sure he’s still pretty soft. But screw that! No player not named Steve Blake has adjusted to Portland more happily than Channing Frye. He seems like the kind of dude you’ll see riding fixies down Alberta and trying to find peacoats in size 50 at the Red Light.

Halloween Costumes:

For Joel:

Joel seems like the kind of person that would be making Borat jokes two years after the movie came out.

For Channing:

For one of the dopiest dudes on the team, one of the dopiest dudes in history. You’ve earned it, Channing.

The star of the Summer League, and the expected heir to the point guard throne, if “interim point guard” status could be considered as having a throne, Jerryd Bayless was expected to have a season full of big things, and maybe be the biggest star out of the three highly touted rookies the Blazers have coming in (4 if you count Batum), and perhaps even a leading contender for rookie of the year and a shoo-in as the starting PG for the Blazers stretch run into the playoffs. As Batum and Webster know, how two months can change everything. I see Jerryd as buried at this moment. He fills Jarrett Jack’s old role, except that he has less experience and a less pronounced forehead. His inexperience is going to leave him scrounging for Sergio scraps, as he’ll be stuck behind the Spaniard and behind the next subject of this preview, Steve Blake. He’ll have to come up with some strong third quarter theatrics to find any semblance of consistent time for this team. Obviously, though, he has NBA talent. His handle nears the world-shaking level of Brandon Roy, and I remember hearing that he got involved in the Las Vegas mayoral race because they loved him so much there during the summer league.

Steve Blake is the man. He’s the point guard that all the pundits always say Portland needs. They say Portland needs a guy like Chris Paul (like any team in the NBA) or some young stud. Here’s what Portland needs from a point guard:

1. Someone who can pass and not make turnovers.

2. Someone who can stay out of Brandon Roy’s way and not take it personally.

3. Someone who can keep his man in front of him.

4. Someone who can make a three-pointer to keep his defender honest.

With the current set of starters the Blazers have when they’re at full strength, the last type of PG that they really need right now is Jerryd Bayless. There’s already a slashing ball-dominator in that lineup (and also in the bargain rack at Fantasy Adult Video). The four other starters all are solid scorers in need of a distributor, and Blake is that man. His rapidly-improved three point shot makes him indispensable, and his tenure makes him a leader on the team. Basically, Blake is the guy we’ve been looking for, even if he looks a bit like Gollum.

Halloween Costumes:

Jerryd Bayless

Where the T-Rex seems like the obvious choice, I went with another dinosaur with short arms here. (LaFrentz would make a better T-Rex if he wasn’t already the titular character in a Kevin Bacon B-movie. No, he’s not the graboids from Tremors) Also his slashing skills and uncanny chicken walk compare well to the velociraptor.

Steve Blake

Charlie Kelly calls himself the Wild Card of the gang on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and he always comes out with the show’s biggest laughs. However, to the outside viewer, the star is Danny DeVito, much as the Blazers’ star is Greg Oden or Roy to those outside of Oregon. Those in the know recognize Charlie as that show’s absurd engine, much like Steve Blake is the engine for the starting lineup. Green Man’s sudden and ball-smashing appearances are simultaneously joyous and surprising, much as a Blake 3 capping a ten-point run will be this season.

SIDENOTE:

Less than 24 hours until the Lakers tomorrow. This will be better than Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and Festivus put together.

Nic Batum was not supposed to be here. He was a project along the lines of a Petteri Koponen or worse, Joel Freeland, perhaps doomed to languish in Euroleague heaven, hopping between countries and spending euros like his name is Vanessa Paradis. He was well on that path when he laid a serious egg during the summer league, making guys like Steven Hill look like they’d be locks on this team before him. He showed glimpses of potential by extending his Doc-Ock like arms to get in passing lanes and in front of shots, but for the most part, he was a liability, going around in circles like a bike with only one training wheel. It was sad, cute, and just a little bit funny. “Aww look, he’s missing a lay-up!” Now, he seems like the quickest study this side of Edmond Dantès. He stays in front of his man and along with that can hit his mid-range jumper with confidence. Somehow he learned how to play basketball in the span of two months, and he’s even threatening to join the starting lineup, a move sure to ruffle Travis Outlaw’s feathers, as Outlaw is the only person in Portland who doesn’t realize he should always be coming off the bench.

Then we have the penciled-in starter at the 3 for this season - Martell Webster. In an ironic twist, the original preview I would have written for him would include the word “break” in various tenses and forms with different prepositions following it (break-through, break out, break dance) but now there’s only one form that matters - broken. For now it’s just that foot, which he injured in a dunk contest that broke out during an exhibition match against the Kings. The worst worry we can have is that for a guy known to be fragile like Webster, that term could spread to his shot and to his confidence. He was poised to actually become a real NBA player, emerging from his baby fat to become the next Glen Rice (and I mean that in a good way). Here’s hoping he can come back strong this January. I am not looking forward to a couple of months of Travis’ chucking.

Halloween Costumes:

Nicolas Batum

Fantômas represents everything about Nic right now. He’s unexpected, and he also walks with a cane and a top hat, because he’s just like that. (And yes, I got through this preview with only three references to France)

Martell Webster

Pirates are always in, and it’s a costume where it’s okay to limp around. And he already has the bird, as Martell’s main hobby outside of basketball is to collect and raise various types of tropical birds such as the macaw, parrot, and toucan.

We continue the series with yet another two-parter, this time, Randolph and LaFrentz. Whereas the previous one was combined the two because they were entwined, the same can be said about these two - they won’t see any time on the floor. They’re the prerequisite slow and plodding white dudes that get abdominal strains when they jump up to cheer when Greg Oden dunks.

To be honest, I knew nothing about Randolph before I wrote this post, so I’m afraid I’m not the best person to write one, so I’ll leave it at this. He seems like a chronic underachiever, which makes him somewhat of a standout on this Blazer team. He also seems like the kind of guy who would hang around the Sephora at Washington Square to pick up on high school chicks. Then again, he’s a religious dude, so he’s probably just going to hand them pamphlets and mini-Bibles, which may be even more off-putting to said high school girls.

What is there to be said about Raef LaFrentz? On a serious note, the Blazers will only have to pay half of his salary, and he becomes an incredible trading chip at the deadline because whatever team that receives him would get the cap space and not have to pay for him. That’s about the extent of his contribution to this team, along with collecting his crazy check. I’ll just go back to last season when Mike Rice would always try to play up LaFrentz, saying that he was a great shot blocker and able to hit the outside shot. Of course he would just get dunked on by third-stringers and go on to be 0 for 4 from behind the arc for the season. Well played, Raef.

Halloween Costumes:

Shavlik Randolph:

He doesn’t believe in Halloween.

Raef LaFrentz:

He’ll be invisible this season.

To explain to anyone who doesn’t love giving foreigners stupid nicknames, the Spanish Connection is third year PG Sergio Rodriguez and rookie SG Rudy Fernandez, both of Spain (obviously), and even more specifically, an alley-oop from the former to the latter. They’re included together because it seems unfair, especially at this early point in their careers, to mention one without the other.

Sergio’s coming off being left out of the Blazers rotation for most of last season, and making the least of his measly minutes by shooting horrendously, whipping passes off Joel Przybilla’s concrete fingers, and griping to foreign newspapers, thinking that no one in America reads El Pais. Then it got worse - he got left off the silver medalist Spanish basketball team, replaced by phenom Ricky Rubio (and yes, the world is contractually obliged to put “phenom” in front of Rubio’s name. Actually, Spanish phenom is the technical term, but I figured that would be redundant, as it’s obvious the guy is Spanish if he’s playing for the Spanish team). The only silver lining that could have possibly came from that slight is that there aren’t questions of him being bigoted against Chinese people. Over the last year, on Sergio’s good nights, it looked like his career was stalling. On the bad, it looked like he was going in reverse.

Enter Rudy. Sergio’s friend from across the pond, Fernandez, has played with the PG for years, a fact that I am sure wasn’t lost when Kevin Pritchard bought Phoenix’s pick, just like he did before to acquire Sergio. Aside from the whole eye fiasco, Rudy’s summer was faultless, showing himself as one of Spain’s top players, and even dunking on Dwight Howard for good measure. He’s a high flyer with deadly range. I don’t want to get into fawning over him too much, but seriously, I’d try to play matchmaker for him and my sister, just so I could be close to him. He’s that good. I would pimp out my only sibling to be near him. Either way, he would be good no matter what coming over here, but he brings more than his own skills - he brings the connection.

Together, the language barrier for both players is made less difficult, and along with that, there’s pre-made chemistry and with that a morale boost. These two guys belong on the same team together, and luckily, that team is the Blazers. This could be a surgent year for Sergio (I hesitate to use “resurgent” considering there hasn’t been a surge in Sergio’s career so far) and Rudy should prove to be a Rookie of the Year contender throughout the season.

Halloween Costume:

Darryl Hall and John Oates, better known as Hall and Oates. Like these beloved 80s hit-makers, the Spanish Connection is truly greater than the sum of its parts, even if one has more talent than the other.
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The best place to start with any Blazer preview will be at the top. Specifically, it’s the dude who goes around winning rookie of the year, shows up in All-Star games and embarrasses the competition, and worked out this whole issue in South Ossetia. He’s a modern day Renaissance man, the kind that Da Vinci would write derogatory graffiti about in jealousy, the kind Ben Franklin would make envious pamphlets about. His all-around skills once saved the Dornbecher children’s hospital during an earthquake. True story. And after it happened, he used his ball-handling skills to juke the Earth so hard, it moved itself back in time. Hence why we have never heard of this event.

Anyway. Brandon, no matter what anyone says about Greg Oden or LaMarcus, is the heart of this team. He’s still the guy who’s done the most in the league, and he’s the one that the team will lean on in tough times when points are tough to come by. His handle is non-pareil and his outside shot is just becoming better and better. Basically, this is a man with no weakness on the basketball court. He can find ways to outmatch any defender in the NBA not named Ron Artest. On defense, he’ll be able to follow his instincts more and take more chances like the rest of the team because Greg Oden will be playing keeper with Przybilla behind him. You get cocky when you have 12 good fouls behind you rather than 6.

Here’s the issue though, dude’s so humble you won’t hear word one from him about it. He’ll say “we’re just taking it one game at a time” and actually mean it, and then stop by the dancing lady from above the tunnel to the locker room’s house and rescue her pet parrot without making a big fuss about it. He actually thinks both teams played hard.

Basically, Brandon will put together another Brandon type season again. I’m not too sure if he’ll make it to the All-Star game again, but if there’s a long winning streak again, you can count on seeing Brandon on the big stage.

Brandon’s Halloween Costume:

He has to be the man who nearly united every gang in New York, those 120,000 strong. Cyrus was a uniter and a great leader who told it like it was, just like Brandon.

The NBA season is tough and long, much like a night after eating Taco Bell for dinner.  Lots of sitting in place, and quite a bit of it stinks.  The rapturous joy of the occasional chalupa can be supressed within days.  Now imagine all of this without any good part.

Then you have the true offseason.  The true offseason is that period between the end of Summer League play and the beginning of the exhibition season, and it’s marked mainly by a glut of overspeculation and a dearth of meaningful news.  (Example: Nicolas Batum speaks English decently after 2 weeks.  I mean, this is an important step for him; he’s playing basketball with a bunch of other guys who speak English as natives, and the language will be the lingua franca of the team, but still consider it.  How important is it that our 12th man at that time can say “my name is Nic, pleased to meet you”?)  Just hopeless, dogged speculation, made that much worse by the Seattle Mariners being the second worst team in baseball, an even greater failure than being the worst.  They couldn’t even win biggest loser. 

I digress.  I’m overexaggerating.  There has been news, but there’s a weird quirk behind the news of this period of time.  It’s exclusively bad.  The only conclusive evidence is an injury.  You can say that Martell looks buff this year all you want, but the only news that has counted so far about him is his broken foot.  That Greg has great leaping ability is more subjective, that he twists his ankle is objective.  No real good news can come out - I mean, we’re not winning any games, and we’re not gaining any new players. 

I write this now because it’s the official start of the good news and the re-launch of Trail Post.  Of course the good news I speak of isn’t the recent exhibition win over the Kings, even if it was a blow-out and yet another game where the Blazers went over the hundred point mark.  That doesn’t count, it’s the exhibition.  The first real good news of the 08-09 season is that Darius Miles was cut by the Boston Celtics.  The Blazers now have all the flexibility they maneuvered for before, and things look a lot rosier.  The era of being held hostage by a fat dude with bad knees and corn rows is finally over. 

Let’s get this damn thing going.