Trail Post - A Portland Trail Blazers Blog

As of today, Trail Post has decided that its current address is not enough.  Because of that, in addition to the current address of http://trailpost.today.com, you can now find all your ridiculous Blazer goodness at http://trail-post.com.  Enjoy yourselves.

Yes, Brandon missed this dunk.

In the most recent podcast between Sean Meagher and the Oregonian’s beat writer, Jason Quick, Quick cryptically mentioned that the Blazers are very near a potential trade with an Eastern Conference team for a small forward and a point guard with the pieces the Blazers sending being Raef LaFrentz’s expiring contract (RLEC) and two rotation players. As anyone who reads the blog knows, Trail Post is hoping that one of those players is Travis Outlaw. The popular choice for the other one is Sergio Rodriguez. Of course, the chemistry ramifications of this are somewhat serious, considering both players are relatively popular. Then again, these guys aren’t 14-year-olds at summer camp; they’re professional basketball players. The other caveat that Quick threw out was that it would turn the Blazers into a title contender. Let’s take a look at some potential moves that would do this and be (somewhat) realistic.

Gerald Wallace and Raymond Felton

Crash at work.

This is the move that any sane Blazer fan wants to happen. Wallace is like a better version of Outlaw in every way. He’s one of the best defenders in the league, and would immediately elevate the team into a title contender. Along with that, Trail Post’s hatred of the Lakers would be renewed due to Bynum partially collapsing his lung with a cheap shot. Opinion on Felton has ebbed, but he’s still a creative player that can really do some good things. He’s a Sergio-like player. Augustin has been mentioned too, but that’s just absurd. He’s Larry Brown’s pet project. The question is whether the RLEC is important enough to pull the trigger on the deal. I’m hoping that it’s a yes. This would be a best-case scenario. Wallace would feed well into the disruptive defensive atmosphere that the Blazers thrive on.

Richard Jefferson and Ramon Sessions

Richard Jefferson is about to get attacked by sexy lady secret agents

A funny thing has happened to Richard Jefferson over the last few years in Milwaukee - he’s become a good team player. Back when he was with the Nets, it was assumed his skill was due to Jason Kidd being so good. His tenure with the Bucks has shown that to be wrong. He’s a solid SF that would be an upgrade for the Blazers. He’s been spoken about in discussions before, which makes him seem even more likely. Ramon Sessions, the second year-point guard, is the next Devin Harris. This dude could be a star. He’s already in the top 15 for PGs in the NBA and fits in with the Blazers plans perfectly (sorry Bayless fans). The only issue would be, why would Milwaukee trade this dude for Sergio Rodriguez? Hard economic times make the RLEC much more attractive.

Kirk Heinrich and Luol Deng/Andres Nocioni

Being embarrassed on the court? Just another day at the office.

No. What was that? No. And no. And no. And no. Just for kicks, no. No. Huh? No. God no. Please, no. Has the point been made clear enough? Heinrich’s lost a step and would a downgrade from Steve Blake. There’s no reason to go after this guy after his injury. Anyone wanting Nocioni has never watched a Bulls game since 1999. Luol Deng’s interesting because he’s young and has heaps of potential, but that injury bug question is somewhat scary. Do we really want to pile our title hopes on another injury plagued back to go with Roy and Oden? For more opinion on this, go to Blogabull. They spend every day talking about how bad Heinrich and Nocini are the way we talk about how horrible Trav is.

Mario Chalmers and Shawn Marion

As much as we’d love this to happen, it never will. Why would Miami trade away its expiring contract and promising young PG for Travis Outlaw and Sergio Rodriguez? Still, it would be a dream for the Blazers in the way that Marion would immediately solidify the porous perimeter.

Devin Harris and Anyone

No way it’ll happen. Get that pipe dream out of your head. No team will give away an all star for nothing. Go back to eating your glue.

Sergio Rodriguez and Travis Outlaw

Travis at power forward.

Yes, standing pat is more than an option. An issue would be the value of the RLEC. It will be much more important to the rest of the league that it would be to Paul Allen. It would be a waste of an asset not to use it when we have the opportunity to. With Sergio you have great camaraderie with Rudy, and a player that has the word potential permanently attached to him. His flashy passing and ridiculous assists per minute numbers make him valuable. Travis Outlaw is not a good fit at SF. As previously detailed, he’s a cancer to the team at the position. In a strange quirk, though, Travis is very good at the PF. His relative PER goes from -5 to +5. If the Blazers waited for Martell to come back, they would have the backup PF question answered and would just have to hope that Martell is playing at the level he was at before.

So, that’s that. The best move the Blazers make would involve Sessions or Wallace, and the worst would be anything involving Nocioni. I think we know that Pritchard is smarter than that.

The Blazers are a better team than the Bobcats when their best player had his lung collapsed by a clumsy man-child the night before.  That’s not saying too much.

Tonight was probably the most vanilla game you could have without having Joel Przybilla play more than ten minutes. It was over as soon as Jerryd Bayless came in off the bench in the first quarter. The big guys continue to to feast on the soft middles of the Eastern Conference and Greg Oden continues to prove that he’s anything but a bust. He took former #2 pick Emeka Okafor (from the 2004 Devil Draft where the Blazers picked Sebastian Telfair, VEEK-tor Khryapa, Sergei Monia, and Ha-Seung Jin) to the wood shed last night.

To be honest with you guys, I really lost interest in the game as it went on, because the final outcome was never in doubt. The Blazers won because they’re a good team, that’s that. I was more interested in the new episode of Lost that came on at 9 than the 14 point fourth quarter the team put up. I don’t think anything during last night’s game could beat the surprise reveal of Charles Widmore on the island. I mean, if somehow Jerryd Bayless was revealed to be Nate McMillan after traveling back in time, I’d be down with that, but honestly, do you think they’d reveal that plotline during a Bobcats game? Me neither.

The rosters were announced earlier today, and it looks like the Blazers have two guys going! Unsurprisingly, it’s Greg Oden and Rudy Fernandez. Both of the picks make sense, considering the incredible early play of Rudy and the dominant recent play of Oden. Potential snubs from the rookie team could be Kevin Love of the T-Wolves with his incredible rebounding rate and our own Nicolas Batum, playing the starting 3 for a playoff team. Chalmers from the Heat could also be in the conversation.

And for you Duck fans out there, yes, Aaron Brooks made the team. Hell yes. Quack. Beavers may have Barack Obama’s brother-in-law, but we have Brooks. Okay, Beavers win that round.

You guys have any thoughts on the matter?

If the NBA were a drunken game of Spin the Bottle, then last night would have been the straight male Clippers spinning and hitting on the straight male Blazers. They kissed because they had to, but the Blazers slipped the tongue.

Just embarrassing for everyone involved, but the Blazers had some highlights.

The Clippers and Blazers stayed even throughout the first 3 quarters, as the entire Clipper team rallied behind not having its 4 best players. If this sounds weird, it’s because it is. They made all the hustle plays and were hitting ridiculous outside shots. With this, they couldn’t even create a lead against the Blazers because all of the Blazers’ shots were incredible dunks. Once the fourth quarter hit, Travis Outlaw decided to knee them in the groin, and that was that. 25 point win. It was embarrassing for the Blazers because they couldn’t jump on the most unlucky team in the NBA early. It was embarrassing for the Clippers because they gave the Blazers all the promotional material they need for every bit of advertising for the next 3 years.

The story is basically that the players were playing alright, but it was just a matter of time. Travis Outlaw is probably the hero, just in the fact that he was the one who dealt the death blow to the Clippers. Greg Oden is proving once again that he’s not a bust, and Brandon Roy is Ares, but good with kids.

And then there were the highlights. Let’s see, there were probably about 5 incredible Blazer plays this game.

5. Rudy Fernandez is on a fast break in the open floor. He waits for his man to come to him and then does a no-look behind the back pass to Outlaw for the dunk.

4. Jerryd Bayless throws up an absurd alley-oop to Greg Oden

3. Rudy Fernandez goes across the lane and looks like he’s shooting a hook shot. Instead it’s a perfectly placed alley-oop to LaMarcus Aldridge.

2. Sergio Rodriguez makes the greatest pass in history when he gets a rebound and then all in the same motion while still in the air, mind you, throws the ball over his head for a monster alley-oop to Greg Oden.

1. Brandon Roy. This play is inspiring to Blazer bloggers the way the fat chicks inspired Rubens.

Sometimes embarrassment can be fun.

I love this play.

During the post-game session with the media in the Clipper locker room, Samb was sighted alone in the corner muttering to himself.

“Rien, rien, rien, rien,” he kept saying as he periodically glanced up from his copy of Le Mythe de Sisyphe. Brandon Roy’s dunk tonight shook Cheikh Samb to the very core of his existence. His sanity flew away with his head band as Brandon Roy destroyed his soul with a leather ball. The head band has not, as of yet, been found.

This team must absolutely despise the Arizona Cardinals. They’re everything the Clippers wish they could be.

Look at the Cardinals, they were the perennial losers, with their most famous moment being the off-field meltdown by Dennis Green after losing to the Bears on Monday Night Football. Even worse, the last four years were always crowned by the national media as “the year”, the one where they would finally ascend the worst conference in football and make the playoffs. Like always, they failed, lagging behind the Seahawks and whatever mediocre iteration the Rams trotted out that year.

You can see a bit of that in the Clippers. Like the Cardinals, they’re historically bad and picked for something far greater than their talent. During a couple of brief moments, the Clippers looked like their potential was going to outshine the rest of the league. There was the early 2000s with Darius Miles and Quentin Richardson shaping up to be an incredible 1-2 punch. Then there was that playoff run in 2006, and they retooled for a deeper one in 07, but instead failed miserably. Since then, it’s the same old story. The Clippers are the doormat of the Western Conference. They’re always picked for greater success, but they have that toxic combination of injuries, bad luck, and Mike Dunleavy.

Still, they must hate the Cardinals. It must be tough seeing a compatriot leave that cellar and go on to something big. It must be even worst to know that the day when they get better is a long ways away. There is no parity in the NBA. The club of major league teams that have never been to a championship just got a little smaller.

On to the game. This is the opposite of a trap game. This team is coming off a back to back losing to the Golden State Warriors. They are missing Chris Kaman, Baron Davis, and Zach Randolph. Right now their starting point guard is Fred Jones (you know, that guy who could barely crack the Blazers rotation back when they were bad). They’ve won 2 of their last 17 games. No amount of horrid free throw shooting is going to lose this game tonight.

Wizards should stick to quidditch.

That was simply embarrassing last night. When we were picking up chalupas on our way out, we all felt dirty. The Blazers just rolled over on a team that has no business even playing basketball. Sure, Caron Butler had 30 points, but I think I could score 30 on that team. Someone has to do it. The Wizards’ best performance of the night came from the bow-tied DeShawn Stevenson boogieing on the bench.

Anyway, that game was out of reach even when it wasn’t out of reach. The Rose Garden crowd, usually one of the loudest there is, only woke up in order to chant for the chalupas at the end of the game. there was the permeating feeling of inevitability during the whole game. The two girls sitting next to me were the only excited members of the crowd, but mostly that’s because they really pre-funked hard. Their excitement lasted for about 20 minutes, and then they fell into the spinning coma. Their darting glassy eyes was the only way I could tell they weren’t dead. The best part of the night was when Spider-Man brought the fire.

The Blazers weren’t making their shots, but hell, it didn’t matter because Greg Oden just bullies around any weak team. I guess that’s one bit of good news. It’s almost impossible to lose against bad teams because Greg will beast all over them. Travis Outlaw was a hot mess when he came in for Nicolas Batum again, but he became amazing when he got dropped down to the PF spot. Brandon Roy filled the stat sheet tonight with a double double in points and steals, and then added 7 assists and 5 rebounds for good measure. It didn’t even look like he was trying out there.

Special credit goes to Juan Dixon, as well. I am convinced he fouled Sergio at the end of the game for the pure fact that he wanted to help the fans get chalupas. Say what you want about his play during his tenure with the Blazers, but the man is a class act.

Also, Nicolas Batum’s French lesson for us was the term “give and go.” Interestingly enough, it is conjugated in the “tu” form as “passes et vas.” Which makes me think that maybe we conjugate it in that form, too? And now you’ve had your French lesson, your basketball lesson, and you learned that Trail Post is a giant French nerd.

It has come to Trail Post’s attention that it is a slow news day, so in place of previews or reviews, let’s just talk about Rudy.  Through some wonky voting, the least athletic player of the three rookies up to be in the dunk contest got in.  I’m sure it has something to do with some intense Spanish get out the vote campaign, complete with canvassers trekking across the cobblestone roads of Sevilla.  Still, our man’s in, and he has to do something incredible.

As reported by Ben on Blazersedge, Rudy has been doing some work with a rainbow kick for a dunk. That is the exact direction Rudy needs to go in. Though athletic, he is nothing compared to fierce juggernaut which is Dwight Howard. Also, it’s creativity that people bank on in these things. When Gerald Green did the Birthday Cake dunk, no one cared that it wasn’t his birthday, and it actually was a cupcake, they just cared that it was awesome.

When Dwight Howard tied on a Superman cape (taking the Man of Steel gimmick from both Shaq and Reggie Miller’s playoff run against the bulls in the late 90s) and decided to take off from the free throw line, he was hailed as an originator, even if the dunk itself wasn’t even that good and it had been done better by the likes of Brent Barry. (To be fair, his other dunks were technically brilliant and something any dunk contest fan should watch.) The point remains though, gimmicks will win out over athleticism, at least in the long term. People forget that Gerald Green lost that contest, but everyone remembers that dunk.

Which leads us back to Rudy. Rudy has a certain set of skills that no one has ever had in the dunk contest - he can use his feet. He’s a decent soccer player, and that gives him a leg-up (no pun intended) in the creativity department. It’s amazing how long the contest has been going without any kick moves. The only one I can remember was with Amare Stoudamire and Steve Nash where Nash headed the ball as an alley-oop. This is the path Rudy and Sergio can take.

According to Ben, Rudy was practicing something involving a rainbow kick where he kicks the ball up and off the back and does a reverse slam. That sounds awesome. But what else could he do? Could he replicate the Stoudamire-Nash slam, but with him throwing it to Sergio off the backboard, Sergio heading it back, Rudy heading it back, and then Sergio head-ooping it? Would that be too complicated or take too long? What if Rudy could kick the ball off of the 24 second clock and dunk it? A good leadoff dunk could just be a simple dropkick from Sergio to Rudy. The best part of all of this, though, is the fact that there is no way that Rudy will have the worst performance ever at the dunk contest. Either way, Rudy has an opportunity to show us something that has not been seen before, and Trail Post can’t wait to watch.

The guest for the commencement ceremony at the University of Oregon’s School of Journalism and Communication during the summer of 2008 was Dan Wieden, a partner at Wieden+Kennedy, one of the most famous ad agencies in the world.¹ I expected him to tell us about life working in the ad business, and maybe to give us all some pointers on how to get ahead. Instead, he regaled us with stories about passing French class by sleeping with the teacher and spent the rest of the time talking about the Singularity.

The Singularity, of course, is the point where artificial intelligence reaches the same level as human intelligence. From here, robots could start designing improved versions of themselves, leading to an exponential growth in their intelligence. This fertile territory has been farmed in science fiction many times, with the newly self-aware robots attempting to wipe out humanity in series like Terminator, The Matrix, and Battlestar Galactica, among others. The basic gist of the whole deal was, “Watch out for the killer robots.”²

Five months later, Nike released a Wieden+Kennedy-produced ad on Thanksgiving featuring the man who could be the first to achieve the Singularity in the world of team sports. The sports Singularity would be the point where a player becomes worth more than the value of his team, and then through exponential growth, more than the value of the league. The spot, called “Chalk,” focuses on LeBron James’ pregame ritual of rubbing chalk between his hands and then throwing it up into the sky, creating a silty cloud over press row. The spot itself is a wonderful conflation of coincidences, a meeting between paranoia of the technological Singularity and the vanguard of business among the NBA.

The thing is, the sports singularity has been approached before. Michael Jordan transcended the game and shaped culture, making baggy shorts the norm and shaven heads the insurance policy for sufferers of male pattern baldness. He also was the richest man in the league, with endorsements ranging from Ball Park Franks to Gatorade, all while being immortalized in his adopted home city by a team of Chris Farley, George Wendt, and Mike Myers. And the six rings, I suppose. He was the one who almost reached the magical point, if it weren’t for certain human weaknesses. If he was Deep Blue, then Gary Kasparov would be his addiction to gambling.³

That’s where LeBron James comes in. James is the second version of Michael Jordan, improved in every way. A better dunker, a faster runner, stronger, taller, a better passer, and an eye turned firmly toward the business world from the moment he graduated from high school. I remember seeing his mug staring at me from Bubblelicious wrappers before he even entered the NBA. Beyond that, James took Jordan’s number and his pregame chalk ritual. By the time LeBron was 23, he was making over $27 million a year, and stating the goal of becoming the first athlete to make a billion dollars. In a recent interview with GQ, he explains, “I want to maximize my potential as a businessman. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and think, Why didn’t I do this when I had the muscle? It’s not , I made a billion, yay, let the confetti rain. It’s all about maximizing potential.” This does not sound like normal 24 year old. It sounds like an artificially created basketball cyborg sent back in time to destroy the NBA and make as much money as possible doing so. He is the Singularity in all forms.

Which brings us back to Wieden+Kennedy’s “Chalk.” He isn’t playing a home game during this spot, oh no, he’s playing at the Rose Garden, specifically against the Portland Trailblazers. In the ad, you can find his teammates Anderson Varejao and Boobie Gibson and members of the opposing team. Brandon Roy, a pitchman for Nike himself, is seen for a split second before the tipoff. Greg Oden, the most hyped number one choice since James, goes by in an instant. LaMarcus Aldridge takes on the starring role of not boxing out LeBron and watching him rise for a jam from the free throw line. James is a black hole of exposure in the commercial. The only thing that can escape his gravitational field is the occasional wisp of rosin. There’s nothing one of the most hyped young teams in the NBA can do against him but just drop their jaws and enjoy the show.

That’s what the Portland fans do in the spot as well. They emulate their home team, and just embrace the calculated grace of this demi-god. They salute him after the dunk by blowing chalk back toward him, in an exaggerated call and response that would make James Brown proud. “A Milli” maestro Lil Wayne, in an unexpected cameo, looks down, and brushes some of the chalk off of his Nike Zoom Lebron VIs.

A lot of things posited in the commercial could happen tonight. Yes, LeBron will do the chalk routine. Yes, he will be the greatest force in the NBA today. Yes, he may steal the opening tip from LaMarcus. Yes, he would dunk that ball with mechanical authority. And yes, the fans of Portland may summon rosin from their hands to praise him. However believable all this could be, I must draw a line somewhere.

No, Lil Wayne will not be at tonight’s game.

¹ A brief rundown of their most famous work: the Nike slogan “Just Do It”; Mars Blackmon Air Jordan commecials; “This is SportsCenter”; “Bo Knows”; etc.

² Which is why I took so long to see Wall-E. I still don’t know how so many people were duped into finding that thing lovable. He’s a robot, therefore, he’s evil.

³ Michael Jordan’s subsequent career as part of the Charlotte Bobcats’ front office and steak pitchman while smoking copious stogies is analogous to Deep Blue’s unceremonious dismantling and placement in the Information Age wing of the National Museum of American History.

I loved how the game started out. The Blazers came out with fire, and built up a big lead, something they hadn’t done for what seems like at least a month. They gobbled up every rebound in sight, with the rookies Batum and Oden leading the way. Things were in cruise control until Nate mysteriously took out the two rookies and put in Outlaw and Przybilla, which led to a diminution of the lead. Still the Blazers ended the first quarter in control.

After that, anyone watching could truly sense some animosity between Sergio Rodriguez and Joel Przybilla, and it makes sense considering how they ended last week. Still when Sergio’s uncle tried to take over the family business, it was Joel that stood up for him and decided to adopt him in order to keep Rodriguez Industries. In response, Sergio’s uncle tried to rape Joel in order to get it back, but luckily enough, Sergio busted through the powder room’s door before anything happened. By the way, it was amazing how badly Blazer management hid Joel’s baby bump throughout the game. Also, what is the deal with Jerryd’s cleavage? And why does he bite his lip during every dramatic moment each game?

Okay, I stopped watching the game because my girlfriend wanted to watch Gossip Girl. Sue me. Looking at the box score, it seems like everything turned out alright, and Greg Oden had another “I’m the next great center” moment. I love to see it. The Blazers need to keep on beating up those bad teams, or else that new assistant coach will never let Rudy get into Yale.

XOXO,
Trail Post

This Wednesday, Trail Post’s favorite television show of all time returns to the air. After going through the last few seasons again in preparation for the newest episodes, are started noticing some almost disturbing parallels between characters on Lost and players and personnel throughout the Blazers’ history.

Greg Oden - Jack
When Greg Oden came to Portland he was hailed as a savior, as the man that would turn things around and help the team escape mediocrity. Of course, the expectations got to him when he failed, and he’s been mired in a funk ever since. You could say some of the same about Jack. When he realized that he failed by leaving the island, he became mired in a pill-fueled funk. Also, both of them have lots of experience in the O.R.

LaMarcus Aldridge - Kate
When LaMarcus Aldridge was drafted, he was expected to be the centerpiece of the team, much how when the Lost writers created Kate, she was expected to be the main character. However, stronger supporting cast members have usurped their importance. Both seem disappointing, but really put in solid work by any account. At the same time, both work hard to shed a reputation of softness.

Brandon Roy - Desmond
Brandon is our Constant. Like Desmond, he sees the future, as he knows what plays develop before they even happen.

Channing Frye - Hurley
Big and somewhat useless, they’re giant nerds that just like to hang out. Everyone loves them. Still, they have their big moments (Channing’s games against Denver last year, Hurley driving the Dharma van). As a footnote, Channing Frye once ate a gallon of ranch dressing in one sitting.

Steve Blake - Locke
John Locke spent his whole life before the island drifting from place to place, job to job. When he got to the island, he was found to be important and a leader. His skill set perfectly matched the situation he was in, and he decided to make the place his home. Steve Blake drifted around the NBA until he found the Blazers, a team that could use an experienced PG that could distribute and hit open threes. He soon decided that he would make Portland his home. And Steve Blake throws hunting knives in his spare time.

Travis Outlaw - Sayid
During Sayid Jarrah’s time in the Republican Guard during the first Gulf War, he tortured many innocent people. The same could be said for what Travis does to Blazer fans.

Nicolas Batum - Jin
They put a yeoman’s work, doing the little things that don’t show up to everyone, whether it’s Batum’s long-armed defense, or it’s Jin constantly catching fish for everyone. They do this despite not speaking the same language of anyone around them.

Martell Webster - Walt
Webster, like Walt is a kid who is supposed to be special, and was taken early with this in mind. Along with that, both have been absent for long periods of times. During these absences they show up mysteriously to help people, whether it’s pushing a car out of the snow or helping Locke get out of mass grave after he was shot. Walt, like Webster, can control birds with his mind.

Sergio Rodriguez - Bernard
Sergio is pretty worthless without his counterpart, much like former dentist Bernard. Left to their own devices, they wander off and work on their own projects to little or no success. Both can hit big shots when in a team setting, such as the time Bernard blew up the Others with a gun shot.

Rudy Fernandez - Rose
Both are role players that come up big in key moments. Rose always puts together strong performances, and you wonder why she doesn’t get more time. Both are linked to hapless characters.

Joel Przybilla - Mr. Friendly
Friendly’s been on the island for years, and he’s willing to do absolutely anything you ask of him. Joel has been with the team for years, and does the job that no one else will do. Interestingly enough, wearing a fake beard and raggedy clothing has been part of Przybilla’s pregame ritual since his days at Minnesota.

Raef LaFrentz - Arzt
Leslie’s most famous for blowing up in spectacular fashion at the end of season one. Much like him, Raef will make his biggest splash when he finally leaves the team.

Jerryd Bayless - Aaron
During the series, Aaron was born on the island, and was nearly abducted quite a few times, until he finally was taken off of the island by Kate. Much like Aaron, Jerryd Bayless has been coveted everywhere, and we definitely do not want to let him go due to his implied importance in the future.

Kevin Pritchard - Ben
Both are masterminds that act in ways that some consider megalomania. Ben angles for new people to come to the island, and his word is considered the final one in any matter. Pritchard cons other GMs to get his way, leaving a trail of assistant GMs in Denver which hate him. When they’re crossed, they can both be dangerous to the people around them. Other GMs hear whispers before Pritchard calls them with trade proposals.

Paul Allen - Charles Widmore
One’s a shadowy billionaire that does things for reasons no one understands besides himself and claims ownership to islands and the other is a character on Lost.

Shavlik Randolph - Paolo
Wait, this dude was on the show?

Darius Miles - Mikhail
Like Mikhail, Darius seemed dead so many times, but still, he kept on coming back just as strong as before.

Our Cap Space - Charlie
Killed by Mikhail.

Nate McMillan - Jacob
Jacob is the overwhelming power on the Island, and the leaders of the island’s groups listen to him. He has strange and byzantine plans that never make much sense. The last sentence also applies to Nate’s strategy in regards to subbing.

Rasheed Wallace - Sawyer
Universally reviled at the beginning of the series, Sawyer became a beloved leader due to a change of location after he was kidnapped to the Hydra. One could say the same for Rasheed’s tenure in Portland and his redemption in Detroit. Along with that, both are the most quotable in their respective milieus (Sawyer, mysterious islands, Sheed, the NBA) and can always be counted on to bring levity to a dour situation.

Anyway. The season premiere is Wednesday at 9. Yes, that’s during the Cleveland game.

Well, I really made that “Worst Losses of the Season” post prematurely. I mean, the last 2 losses would be definite finalists, and they included getting beat up in differing, yet hilariously sad ways. Could it be a self-fulfilling prophecy that ever since we introduced the scapegoat that the team’s gone 1-2? Could it be that Travis really is not a good player? (More likely.) Could it be just plain bad luck? Could it be too many rhetorical questions?

Either way, that dolphin stole it away from us again. The Blazers shot an abysmal 51% at the line. If someone makes 2 more over the course of the game, it’s a win. Of course, by someone, I mean Brandon Roy. Yes, that basketball deity finally made a mistake. Maybe he was thinking of how he’s going to put on jet boots and fly over to India and build skyscrapers with his mind after the game, but he seemed distracted. Just because he’s superhuman doesn’t mean he can’t stop focusing on basketball. As per the usual, Travis Outlaw had the worst +/- on the team again by a mile, although I didn’t notice how bad he was until after the game, looking at the box score. Travis was a sneaky kind of horrible (except for the airballs).

Gerald Wallace had 31 points and did whatever he pleased. We could say that this could have been averted, by say, trading Travis Outlaw and Sergio Rodriguez or Jerryd Bayless for him, but whatever. Here’s how it could have been averted - play Nicolas Batum for more than 17 minutes. This was yet another game where Travis was the worst on the team and Nicolas was the best in +/-. He didn’t score any points, but the reason why he came out ahead was his defense on Wallace.

Finally, we could blame the whistles, but that would be a paradox. If the team’s missing half the free throws anyway, what difference does it make? A ton I’d guess. Here’s another difference that could be made. The time out call at the end of the game when Felton didn’t have control of the ball and it was looking to be a jump between him and Travis. That was a difference-maker. John Locke, you bastard. Same to you, Spazzy.

To start. Yes, that’s Keith Van Horn. He lit the ball on fire during a game, and no one in the crowd even cares. As if it’s normal for a guy to turn things into fire with sheer basketball pyrokinesis. Girl with a scarf should be worried. I mean, if you’re wearing a scarf and a guy is dribbling a flaming ball near you, first thing on your mind should be, I can’t have acrylic near this.

Anyway, pleased to meet you, Jerryd Bayless. You still can’t hit a shot outside of the paint to save your life, but that dunk was insane! You were doing that primal guttural war scream before you even slammed that ball down. Game ball for the breakout performance. Now the question about who’s starting with Steve Blake out has been answered to a degree. Jerryd should start. It’s not because he’s better than Sergio, it’s just that he’s better with the starters than Sergio. Sergio’s at his best with guys like Rudy and Travis, but running Jerryd as an off-guard with Brandon at the 1 is just too sweet. It’s like having a smarter version of Jarrett Jack. (By the way, has anyone once mentioned missing Jarrett this entire season? He was the first guy off the bench and no one cares about him. Talk about burning bridges. Travis has to be the most mad about Jarrett leaving, though. No one likes becoming the team scapegoat by default.)

So basically, the Blazers are hot again, and it’s nice to see. It must be tough to overcome your worst loss of the season in a game the next night, but the team did it. Brandon scored like a billion points like usual, and LaMarcus kept icing the with outside shot after outside shot. Also, don’t you wish we took that trade offer that was something like Travis Outlaw and Jarrett Jack for Devin Harris? Me too. Also, in strange +/- news, Rudy and his 6 points had the highest number at +15, beating out Travis at +14. Good Travis has been showing up half the time, now. Congrats.

For those of you looking for something tonight, Darius Miles will be going for his tenth game and the most expensive screw job in NBA history tonight. Goddamn dolphin.

Look at that evil creature. He smiles as he balances effortlessly on that small pool of water. His eyebrows are raised as he looks, dead-eyed, through our souls, knowing the pain and torment he’s responsible for. He’s laughing about it! He knows he’s a success because he gave the Blazers their worst loss of the season. What a bastard.

And it’s all his fault, too. He’s the one that caused the Blazers to never get above 40% shooting for the game. He’s the one that caused Jerryd Bayless to go 1-11. Of course he was there on Nate’s shoulder during the only run in third quarter. He was whispering ideas like, “So what if Nicolas Batum and Greg Oden have been our two most productive players tonight; Travis Outlaw needs to be on the floor. Greg Oden might pick up his fourth foul; you better sit him for the rest of the game.” I mean, Spazzy can be so damn convincing. I’m sure I’d take out a hot SF that just hit a three-pointer to bring it to only an 8 point difference from being down 20 to bring in a player that hasn’t shown a single sign of being able to play all night. It makes sense, though. Spazzy is a persuasive dolphin, and he lost the game last night for us.

I’m sure Spazzy was also on Evans as he dislocated Steve Blake’s shoulder with that pick. However, he might have been with the referees, telling them not to call fouls on moving screens. Whatever, what’s done last night is done. The team has a game tonight against the Nets, and hopefully no dolphins are invited.