May 06 2009
Who Do We Root For?
It’s been almost a week, and I’ve been in shock for most of that time. Basketball is still happening, only our team isn’t there. You’d figure we’d be used to it by now, as the Blazers have been watching the playoffs from their McMansions in Lake Oswego for most of the decade. Instead, we got that first delicious taste and had it stolen away much too quickly. Now that we’ve taken care of our rage-and-sadness-fueled weeklong benders, spending nights at the railyards and spending the days with a bottle of Wild Irish Rose under the Marquam Bridge, it’s time to get back to life and move on in basketball. We can still watch the rest of the playoffs with a vested interest. It just comes down to picking the right team.
The Eastern Conference
The Orlando Magic - This could work out as a decent team to root for, as they have one of the great centers in the league, and a fun style of play. However, Hedo Turkoglu does have a face that is shaped like a triangle, so not a great idea. This is the option for those of you who want to see what the best case scenario for Greg Oden is.
The Boston Celtics - No. It doesn’t matter that Rajon Rondo is one of the most beautiful and chaotic styles of play in the NBA. They have Kevin Garnett, and he got down on all fours and barked like a dog at Jerryd Bayless. Not to mention, he’s a dick (in case you couldn’t tell from the previous tale). This is for the Blazer fans that are assholes.
The Atlanta Hawks - An outstanding pick. They fulfill the Blazers’ role as the young guys who haven’t been there before but still succeeding against the odds. However, I’m hardpressed to think of the name of more than four players on the team (Horford, Johnson, Smith, Williams, and uh, Bibby? VICTORY!) This is the option for the Blazer fans out there who love a good underdog.
The Cleveland Cavaliers - You know this team way too well. They have the best player in the world. He has the mind and quickness of John Stockton in the body of Karl Malone. It’s just unfair that he exists. This is the option for Blazer fans that are front-runners because this team will almost certainly win the championship.
The Western Conference
The Denver Nuggets - A good pick for those of you who have a strange amount of pride in the division. Because this isn’t collegiate sports, your logic doesn’t make sense. I can’t imagine anyone really wanting to root for the Birdman and Kenyon Martin. The option for the illogical Blazers fans.
The Dallas Mavericks - I didn’t know these guys had fans outside of Texas. They shoot a lot of jumpers and they’re damn good at it. Not to mention, they’re on a decent hot streak that has extended into the playoffs. Also, they whine about the referees a ton. The Mavs are the best option for Blazer fans in love with the team’s outside shooting and complaints to the referees.
The Houston Rockets - They beat us. That’s unforgivable to me. There are some out there who want the Rockets to win it all, so that way the loss doesn’t sting as much, since we lost to the eventual world champions. That’s a load of hooey. The last time the Ducks went to the tourney, they lost to the insane Florida team with five NBA players in the Sweet 16. Because of this, I went for Florida using the logic stated above. Florida ended up winning it all, and do you know how I felt? Horrible. The loss didn’t sting any less; it actually stung worse. We could have beaten those guys if a couple more shots go in, if a few calls go our way. We could have won it all. That’s the same story with the Rockets. And Luis Scola’s hair is ugly. I want them to go down fast, to show that they were lucky to beat us. The Rockets are a great option for Blazer fans who are illogical.
The Los Angeles Lakers - This team has long been the most hated by Blazer Nation. It’s a remnant from Portland’s small town mentality and crushing defeats at the hands of the big market team throughout the franchise’s history. Go to a Lakers-Blazers game, and you will be surprised at the anger and foulness that exists in even the most normally polite Portlander. It’s the only place in Oregon to catch a granny drop the F-bomb in public (aside from Spirit Mountain Casino). Let’s get to the Lakers, though. Until The Foul earlier this year, I couldn’t find a reason to actually root against this team actively. Gasol plays like a more mature (offensively) LaMarcus Aldridge, Kobe is the NBA’s greatest Blazer backer, and Luke Walton’s named after our assistant coach. Then The Foul happened. It’s easy to hate the Lakers and it’s right. Screw Ariza and screw Vujacic’s hair. Whoever wins this series, we lose. The Lakers are the option for Blazers fans who…I can’t honestly think of a reason why a Blazers fan would support the Lakers beyond this round.
Trail Post’s Pick: Stick with the Hawks, guys. You always gotta support the young underdogs. If you need to stick with the Western Conference, go with the Mavericks. They’re not as outwardly unlikable as the rest of the conference. If you feel like picking a winner, go with the Cavs.
i’m rooting for the rockets. i’d like to see yao ming and ron artest contest for a title. although a kobe vs lebron final would be exciting
than was me.
-Daniel
I suppose it doesn’t really matter since everyone is just playing to lose to Cleveland anyways, but yeah, I’m rooting for the Rockets as well. It’s so much easier to like Yao Ming than the likes of kobe/vujiacic/ariza/chauncey/kmart/jj baerea/dampier.
Also, rooting for Rick Adelman is easier on my conscious than George Karl (doesn’t really coach), Rick Carslie (… really?) or Phil Jackson (obvious).