Jul 06 2009
Thank You Mrs. Turkoglu
Dear Mrs. Turkoglu,I get where you’re coming from. Honestly, what self-respecting Turkish woman would want to live in Portland, Oregon? We have absolutely no diversity whatsoever. I mean, we’re the whitest major city in the United States, and probably the world. The closest thing to a second language that we have is Hick English, the chosen dialect of many parts of East Multnomah County. What foreigner would want to deal with that? I know I wouldn’t. Thank you Mrs Turkoglu (yes Mrs, as that’s how they write it where you’ll be living now), thank you for helping your husband come to his senses and realize what a horrible choice it would be to live here and play with a contender. It’s much better that he chose a team that mortgaged its future for him. After all, Toronto is much more friendly to Turks, that I’m sure of. Portland’s idea of Turkish cuisine a place with a kebab on the same menu as bento and burgers. You made the right move, Mrs Turkoglu.
Just to prove how pleased this blog is with your decision and your help with your husband, here are a few words from Canada that may not make sense to someone whose previous English immersion was in Orlando.
Chesterfield: Apparently this is a couch. News to me. You’ll have to figure this one out on your own Mrs Turkoglu.
Garburator: That’s an in-sink garbage disposal. Wow, these people have weird terms.
Eavestrough: A gutter? Man, I’m beginning to think you made the wrong move.
Hoser: A term of affection. It will often be used to describe Bryan Colangelo and your husband in the years to come. It just means that the local fans absolutely love 35-win seasons.
Eh: A negator. Much like the pas in French (another language you’ll have to familiarize yourself with), this negates the phrase that precedes it, as in “Hedo Turkoglu sucks, eh.” They’re simply saying that your husband doesn’t suck, so don’t worry.
So, Canada may have some weird terms that make no sense anywhere else in the world, but hey, we all have our little cultural quirks. Anyway, you shouldn’t distress, Mrs Turkoglu; you made the right move. You’ll be in a place with culture and snow (Did I forget to mention the snow? Expect a lot more of that stuff than you would have found in Turkey or Orlando or even Sacramento.) and hospitality. I’m sure the Canadians will reciprocate the love you have for their city. Thank you for steering your husband to the place he should be. Thank you most of all for getting your husband out of our city.
Sincerely,
Trail Post
I’m going to have to agree whole-heartedly with Bart King. Zingzing.