Trail Post - A Portland Trail Blazers Blog

The Blazers are getting incredibly desperate. If this was trying to find a date for the prom, the Blazers just asked out the hunch-backed girl that has lobster claw hands. Hedo Turkoglu would have to be the prettiest girl in school, the one who is obvious and cliched to ask out, never would have worked anyway, and who was just using you to get a limo ride from her boyfriend. Paul Millsap is the coolest girl in school, the one who is able to make jokes with the guys, and would be a perfect girlfriend. Too bad she already had a boyfriend. Now we’re down and desperate. Andre Miller is lobster girl. Yes, she needs loving too, and I’m sure she’s a wonderful person, but she was only picked as our date because she was the closest person who was free.

Miller is probably one of the worst signings we could make. If we signed him to a lower amount that signaled that he would only be a spot back up, it would probably be one of the strongest. We didn’t. Now, he has the money, and the reason to demand solid playing time. The only issue is this guy couldn’t fit in our system less. He can’t start because he can’t hit an outside shot. He can’t play defense at all, so never mind about the idea of getting a stopper. He’s basically a slightly better Sergio Rodriguez. This signing is a double burn: first on the fans, in that they wasted the cap space, and second on Jerryd Bayless as they show they have no faith in him as a point guard.

The worst part of this desperation is that in our hurry to find a date as fast as possible we missed the right one. She’s the new girl who wears glasses and overalls with paint on them. She has a ponytail. Horribly uncool. Of course, she could turn into something great. Of course, that is Ramon Sessions. He’s young, better than Miller already, and much cheaper. But I guess that dream is over.

I just wish that Kevin Pritchard had watched She’s All That before going insane this off-season.

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